


The Present

by shinysparks



Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Holiday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-15
Updated: 2011-02-15
Packaged: 2017-12-11 11:18:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysparks/pseuds/shinysparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Guy is miserable and alone for the holidays, as Marian is away visiting relatives. However, thanks to a little Christmas miracle, all hope may not be lost...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which Guy gets beat up by an elf

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** Secret santa fic for [](http://thymelady.livejournal.com/profile)[**thymelady**](http://thymelady.livejournal.com/). Originally posted [here](http://community.livejournal.com/gxm_secretsanta/8786.html#cutid1) at [](http://gxm-secretsanta.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://gxm-secretsanta.livejournal.com/)**gxm_secretsanta**. Also, this is the longest fic I've finished thus far...

It was twilight when Guy exited the stables at Locksley, with his horse in tow. He took a deep breath of the chilly evening air and stared up at the deep, slate-colored sky that was littered with pinkish-purple clouds. It was Christmas Eve, and he was alone. It was quite unusual for the lord of the manor to be alone on such a holiday; however, his servants had made it quite clear they preferred to spend the holiday in their meager homes with their meager suppers, rather than with him. Guy had considered spending the holidays in the castle instead, since the Sheriff had invited Sir Jasper and a few of the other Black Knights for a two-day long holiday “orgy” there. After Allan explained to him what an “orgy” actually was, though, Guy quickly faked an illness and left for Locksley as fast as he could.

To make matters worse, he could not even share the holiday with Allan or Marian, as both were away. Marian had left two days prior to visit her elderly cousins in neighboring Leicestershire, and Allan had gone to York, to bring holiday cheer to a few of his own relatives holed up in the York jail. And so, rather than spend the holiday sulking in his manor house, Guy decided to spend it with the one friend who would never abandon him at the holidays (or try to do naughty things with him:) his beloved horse.

Shutting the large door to the stable, Guy quickly mounted his horse and headed for Sherwood Forest. Even though he did not expect Hood to be out on such a night ( _no doubt he and his little harem will be having their own party_ , he thought,) Guy was still armed to the teeth. Given that he was generally disliked by most in Nottinghamshire, he felt it was better to be safe than sorry.

He sighed heavily, as he cantered along a well-worn path through the forest. Guy had hoped the crisp evening air might help to clear his mind, but it was impossible. His mind kept wandering back to Marian. He sighed contentedly, thinking of her face, her smile, her everything. He missed her terribly before she had even gotten out of his sight, and after two days, it had become almost unbearable. He seriously considered riding on to Leicestershire, surprising her with gifts and holiday cheer. Guy smiled happily at the thought, before realizing that if he left, the Sheriff might think he’d abandoned his post and replace him. Guy might return with Marian, but he would be landless and penniless, with nothing to offer her should she finally accept him fully. He moaned sadly at the realization. “There will be more Christmases to spend with her.” He muttered quietly, trying to reassure himself as he continued to ride.

Still, his mind kept going back to his beloved. This time, though, it became stuck on his favorite fantasy: Marian the Nightwatchman. He was certain it was an odd fantasy, thinking of her as his second worst enemy, dressed in boy-costume and running around, beating him and his small army of guards to a pulp. And yet, there was something about it that was wonderfully thrilling. Marian the Nightwatchman was Marian the defiant, the one who played by her own rules, flouting the law at every turn and attacking anything and anyone who got in her way - anyone, including him. She was lively and dangerous and most of all, unafraid. In those moments, Marian the Nightwatchman became his equal, and Guy quite liked that.

Best of all, it wasn’t even a stretch. Marian did indeed possess those traits...

He shuddered in pleasure as he thought of her dressed in the Nightwatchman’s costume, feeling a tickle in his nether region before his tight leather pants began to feel even tighter. “Oh Lord.” He groaned, looking down at himself. He took a deep breath and forced himself to think of what might be happening at the Sheriff’s orgy at that moment. After a particularly disgusting thought of what Sir Jasper might look like nude, Guy felt the ticking cease, and his pants loosen. He breathed a sigh of relief. After all, the cold, dark forest wasn’t exactly inviting for sexy alone time.

The sky had turned a deep, inky blue, and the stars were twinkling. The moon was large and bright, slowly rising above the horizon and bathing the forest in an eerie white glow. Guy and his horse continued to trot along the well-worn and moonlit path until he caught sight of what looked like a very large rock lying in the road. It was strange - Guy had been down the path many times, and it had always been clear of any debris. He stared at it curiously, and the more he did, the more he noticed slight, rhythmic movements coming from the rock. He growled lowly. The so-called “rock” was breathing.

 _Ambush._ Guy quickly thought to himself as he hopped off his horse and pulled his sword from its sheath. He inched closer to the breathing rock, scanning the forest around him for any movement. And yet, there was nothing. Guy couldn’t help but find it odd, and also, worrisome.

“Who goes there?!” Guy finally bellowed at the breathing rock.

The rock moved, throwing off a brownish-gray cloak that covered it from head to two and revealing a very small man underneath. He was very short in stature, barely taller than Guy’s kneecaps, and was quite stocky and muscular. His face was sharp and mean-looking, and two very pointed ears adorned the sides of his head. He was also dressed in the most ridiculous outfit Guy had ever seen. The small man wore a fuzzy wool pullover with “ho ho ho” written across it in sparkly thread, red and white striped pants, two red pointed shoes decorated with bells on his feet and a matching red hat on his head. Guy bit his lip to keep from bursting out in laughter.

“Timmy the surly elf, at your service.” He squeaked as he walked forward, jingling loudly.

Guy snickered at the elf.

“You laughing at me, big man?” Timmy scoffed, sizing Guy up.  
Guy blinked, shocked at Timmy the elf’s reaction. “No.” He lied.  
“Yes you are!” Timmy spat, his voice ever squeaky. “It’s my size, innit? You think because I’m so small, I’m not important, don’t you? Well, guess what, big man: I can kick your arse with both hands tied behind my back!”

Guy rolled his eyes. “Actually, I was laughing at your ridiculous outfit.” Guy told him, cracking a lop-sided grin.

Timmy’s mouth dropped open, and he gazed up at Guy evilly.

“EXCUSE ME?! My wife made this outfit for me! You know what a wife is, don’t you? Oh no, that’s right: you don’t have one of those, do you? From what I hear, she sucker-punched your sorry arse in the face and left you at the altar!” Timmy yelled at him. “So, tell me, Sir Pussy: did you cry like a little girl afterwards?”

Guy growled, baring his teeth and staring Timmy down. Now, it was personal. Guy raised his sword to the elf’s throat, causing the elf to snicker loudly.

“Well, finally.” Said Timmy, grinning, as he pulled out a small, wooden club and pointed it at Guy. “Bring it, bitch.”

Guy quickly lunged at Timmy, but the elf quickly dodged him. He side-stepped, swinging his club into Guy’s knee. Guy grunted in pain, slashing his sword at Timmy; however, he missed again. Timmy rolled behind him, and skillfully climbed up Guy’s back. Guy fought hard, stabbing his sword behind him, but it was no use. The elf was much too fast. Wrapping an arm around Guy’s neck, Timmy raised his wooden club and brought it down hard on Guy’s head.

_WHUMP._

Guy’s head exploded in horrendous pain, and tiny stars appeared before his eyes. He fell to the ground, grunting loudly as he made contact with the dirt. His eyes barely open, he caught sight of the elf who bested him, standing beside several other elves - or perhaps, he was seeing triple or quadruple or whatever. His colorless eyes rolled back in his head, and he closed them weakly, praying it was all a dream.

“I still can’t believe you made the nice list, big man. Honestly.” He heard Timmy’s squeaky voice say, before everything went black.


	2. In which Marian finds a Black Knight sleeping in her bed

The Nightwatchman skulked through the eerie, moonlit forest, finished with her nightly endeavors. It had taken two full nights of work, but she had managed to visit every village in Nottinghamshire, making sure each house was filled with food and gifts for the holidays. She was almost like Santa Claus in a way - a thought that made her smile. Setting the lantern she carried down on the ground, and pulling off her mask and hood, Marian wondered if she should get a special new costume for the holidays. Perhaps a red one, rimmed in fur? She giggled, imagining herself in such an outfit, before deciding that a sleigh might be a better option. “I could carry more food and gifts, and travel further with one of those.” She whispered to herself as she continued on her way.

Despite her good works, though, Marian still felt horribly guilty. Ever since she’d left, her mind kept wandering back to Guy, her knight in shining black leather. She had lied to him yet again. Her elderly cousins in Leicestershire had been dead for two years - there was little to visit there except their graves. Instead, she had camped out in a small, long-forgotten shed hidden by trees on the outskirts of Locksley, using it as a base of operations for her nightly work. She tried to convince herself that such a lie was worth it. After all, she had done a world of good during the past two nights - good that would not have ever been accomplished had she told Guy the truth. And yet, she still felt a huge heaviness in her heart where he was concerned.

Marian groaned. “I love Robin Hood. I’m going to marry Robin Hood.” She muttered to herself repeatedly, forcing herself to think of her outlaw suitor’s face as she walked back to her hideout. 

It was futile, though. No matter how hard she tried to think about Robin, her mind kept wandering back to Guy. She had learned from the peasants that he had returned to Locksley for the holidays; however, she didn’t recall seeing any lights on in the manor house, nor smoke from the chimney. Marian couldn’t help but find it odd, and also worrisome. She tried to put the worry out of her mind, though. _Perhaps the peasants are wrong, and he’s stayed at the castle for the Sheriff’s little get-together._ She thought.

Marian unbolted the door to her hideout, and entered the small shed. It was quite chilly inside, as the place was too tiny for a fire. She quickly closed the door and bolted it back, sitting the lantern down on a wooden crate. She pulled off her cloak, and tossed it and her mask onto an old, broken-down stool that sat in the corner. Marian yawned loudly. It had been a long night, and her makeshift bed of hay and blankets looked warm and cozy. Kicking off her boots, she walked over to her bed and threw back the heavy blanket that covered it. Suddenly, her eyes grew wide, and she shrieked loud enough for the Sheriff to hear her all the way back at the castle.

There was a naked Black Knight sleeping in her bed.

Marian’s lip wibbled furiously as she stared down at Guy, whose lower half had been tied up with a wide red ribbon that ended with an enormous bow over his man parts. Marian gasped, and swiftly pulled the covers back over him. Her mind was swimming with questions, wondering how he got there, who tied him up like he was a present and most importantly, why? Marian pulled the covers off of him once again. _Present._ She thought, her breath shaky. She stared at the enormous bow, trying to quiet the rather large part of her that desperately wanted to “unwrap” him. With great strength, she pulled the covers back over him once again. _Focus, Marian._ She told herself sternly. She would have to wake him up, make up some story about why she was there (she was at a total loss as to what to tell him about how he got there,) and send him on his merry way.

“Guy?” She said, nudging him on the shoulder, but he would not wake. She touched his head, running her hand through his hair gently; however, as she did, she felt something warm and sticky on her fingers. Marian pulled back her hand and examined it closely.

“Blood?!” She gasped, staring wide-eyed at the deep red fluid that stained her fingers. Gently, she touched the side of Guy’s head and turned it to the side, noticing he had quite a large bump on his head. In the center of the bump was a rather nasty looking gash that had bled quite a bit. Guy’s dark hair and her pillow were both covered in blood; though, thankfully, the bleeding seemed to have stopped. Marian bit her lip, and turned his head back. She then threw the covers off of his midsection, and placed her head on his chest. She breathed a sigh of relief as she listened to his heart thumping, and felt his chest rise and fall. He was hurt, but he was alive.

“Guy?!” She said again, tapping him on the face. “Come on, you need to wake up!”

Still, he would not wake. Marian shook her head, as panic began to rise within her. There was one more thing she could try - the one thing that had always gotten Guy’s attention, no matter what the circumstance. Marian took a deep breath, puckered her soft lips and kissed Guy passionately. A powerful and wonderful jolt went through her body as their lips touched, and suddenly, everything seem to disappear around her. She tingled all over, her heart skipping beat after beat as her lips caressed his softly and sweetly. Thought she would not admit it to anyone, kissing Guy was pure bliss, and Marian often wondered why she did not get the same amount of pleasure from kissing Robin.

 _Robin._ She sighed, pulling her lips away slowly. _I love Robin Hood. I love Robin Hood. I’m going to marry Robin Hood._ She told herself furiously.

“Ugggh...” Guy moaned, slowly opening his eyes. He blinked several times before focusing in on Marian, grinning happily upon seeing here. “M...Marian. How did you get here? I...I thought you were in Lei...Lei... um... away.”

Marian smiled back at him lovingly, thrilled that he was finally awake. “That...isn’t important, Guy.” She told him. “Do you remember what happened?”  
“Happened?” He asked, staring at her and looking quite confused.  
“You’re hurt.”  
“I am?”

Marian touched the bump on his head softly, causing Guy to moan and jump. She showed him her fingers, which were once again covered in blood. Guy’s eyes grew wide at the sight.

“Wha...?” Guy moaned, his mouth dropping open.  
“You don’t remember how this happened?” Marian asked him.  
“No.” Responded Guy, his voice quite shaky. “Nothing.”

Marian smiled at him. “Well, it’s not important, I suppose.” She said, hoping to reassure him. “We should probably get you to a physician, Guy.”  
“Uh-huh.” Guy replied, nodding slightly.

Marian stood up quickly and reached for her cloak that was lying on the nearby stool. Grabbing the bottom of the cloak with both hands, she ripped off a long straight strip of fabric and skillfully rolled it up. Leaning over Guy, she began to wrap the fabric around his head tightly, hoping the bandage might keep the gash from bleeding again while they headed for the physician’s.

“Marian?” Guy said to her as she worked, grinning from ear to ear and looking quite dazed. “You’re dressed like the Nightwatchman.”

Marian froze, and her stomach fell. In all the excitement, she’d forgotten that she still had her costume on. She turned to face him, grinning nervously.

“Really? I thought the Nightwatchman wore green.” She replied, her voice shaky as she tied the bandage off.  
“He did, but now he wears a brown jacket like that.” Guy responded, still grinning.  
“Well, perhaps the Nightwatchman shops the same stalls in the market as I do. After all, I just purchased this the other day, to wear when I’m...I’m...riding. Of course.” Marian lied, smiling back at him sheepishly and trying to sound sure of herself.  
“Really?” Guy asked, still looking quite happy for no apparent reason.  
“Oh yes!” She said, nodding. His smile was still quite unnerving, and Marian wasn’t quite sure if she was fooling him at all. _Perhaps a little distraction would help, then?_ She thought to herself.

“Tell me, Guy: do you like it?” She asked him, smiling kindly as she stood up and twirled around.

When she turned back around, she noticed Guy’s mouth had dropped open slightly, and a thin trail of drool had escaped his lips.

“Uh-huh.” Guy muttered, his eyes looking a bit glassy. “I...I love it, my lovely, lovely... _Nightwatchmarian._ ”

Marian smiled at him sweetly. _Mission accomplished._ She thought, secretly congratulating herself on her incredible cunning.

“Can you sit up, Guy?” She asked him.

Guy nodded weakly, and pushed himself up off the bed. Suddenly, he grabbed his head and held it tightly, nearly falling backwards onto the bed.

“Ugggggh...” He groaned. “I feel sick.”  
“We should probably hurry, then.” Marian told him, trying to sound as calm as she could. She walked quickly over to the far corner of the shed and pulled out a pair of brown pants and a white linen shirt - a leftover present for one of the peasants. Both looked a little large, but it would have to do. She tossed both to Guy, who slowly and carefully pulled the baggy shirt over his head. He then held up the pants, staring at them curiously before sighing and lifting up the blanket that covered him.

“Uh, Marian, my love?” He said, his gray eyes wide with shock as he carefully covered himself back up. “Where are my pants, and why are my...er... _ornaments_ tied up with a big red bow?”  
Marian shrugged her shoulders, trying hard not to blush. “I have no idea, Guy. You were...um...like that when I found you.”

Guy gazed up at her, looking quite embarrassed as his cheeks began to turn bright red. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

“Shall I wait outside while you...er...dress yourself?” Marian asked him.  
“Er...I think I can get them on...under the covers.” He replied, pulling the pants underneath the covers. A few seconds later, he pulled out a large, red bow and several yards of wide red ribbon from under the blanket, tossing it on the floor. Marian sighed as she stared at the bow, feeling strangely devastated at the sight. Her present had unwrapped himself.

 _NO. I AM NOT DISAPPOINTED!_ She told herself angrily. _I LOVE ROBIN HOOD! I AM GOING TO MARRY ROBIN HOOD AND THAT’S FINAL!_

She turned back to Guy, watching him fidget with the legs of his pants, trying to get them over his feet. After a few moments, stood up, trembling slightly and pulling the rather baggy pants over his hips. He then threw off the blanket that had been covering him, and placed it onto the bed behind him. Smiling at Marian, he took a step forward; however, he was a bit shaky on his feet, and tripped over the bottom of his pants. He fell into Marian’s arms, just as his baggy pants slipped off his hips. 

Marian gasped, her eyes growing wide as she caught sight of his bare bottom, watching his butt cheeks turn a violent shade of red (she assumed the other end of him was very likely blushing as well.) She knew the modest thing to do was to close her eyes; however, she could not look away. Instead, she stared at his glorious backside, trying not to drool and desperately wondering what the under side of him looked like.

 _I LOVE ROBIN HOOD!!!_ Marian screamed at herself, trying to force her eyes to look away. _I LOVE ROBIN HOOD! I LOVE ROBIN...OH SOD IT! I LOVE GUY!!! THERE, I SAID IT - ER, THOUGHT IT. WHATEVER! I LOVE GUY AND I WANT TO MARRY HIM!_

“Oh God! Marian! I’m...I’m so sorry!” Guy yelled, sounding quite flustered as he tried to pull his pants up. He grew dizzy, and eventually fell to the ground, pulling Marian down with him. She landed with a loud “THUD!” on his chest.

“Guy!? Are you okay?!” She cried, her voice quite panicked.  
“Uh-huh.” He moaned, his lip quivering as he spoke. Marian stared down at him, looking into his gray eyes deeply and feeling him tremble beneath her. She could tell he was completely mortified, as if he were about to die of shock and embarrassment right then and there. She found it quite interesting, since she had never seen such a side to him before. Guy had always been so strong and defiant, but in that moment, he was much like a little lost puppy that she desperately wanted to snatch up and cuddle.

She smiled at him lovingly, and grabbed the heavy blanket from the bed above them. Without looking, she tossed it over his lower half, covering up his exposed manhood. He breathed a sigh of relief. Marian then slowly crawled off his chest, and with much willpower, she turned her head away as he squirmed around under the blanket, trying to pull his pants up.

With his pants finally on again, Guy tossed the blanket back onto the bed, and tried, with difficulty, to get on his feet. Marian hopped off the floor, and grabbed onto his strong shoulder, pulling him up.

“Thank you.” He said, smiling at her. His cheeks were quite flushed.  
Marian nodded in reply. She quickly grabbed her cloak and a small bag that contained a change of clothes from beside the stool and threw it over her shoulder. Taking Guy’s arm, she lead him to the door, and into the chilly, night air.

“Marian?” He said, as they hobbled outside together.  
“Yes, Guy?”  
“Will you stay with me? For Christmas, I mean?” He asked, pleadingly.  
“Of course!” Marian breathed. “I’m certainly not going to leave you alone - especially not like this!”

Guy sighed happily, and smiled at Marian as they exited the tiny shed.

“Merry Christmas, my love.” He told her, weakly.  
“Merry Christmas, Guy.” She replied, kissing him gently on the cheek.


	3. In which all is right with Guy's world

Guy groaned as he slowly opened his eyes to a world of blinding white light. He squinted heavily, trying to block out the painful glare as his eyes darted around the room. He quickly realized he was in his bed at Locksley, covered up to his neck with a heavy blanket. His head was throbbing in pain, and the air smelled heavily of alcohol. Guy wondered if he’d spent the night before at the Trip Inn, getting himself quite wasted on their notorious cheap wine, until he noticed the physician’s surgical tools lying on a nearby table. He stared at them for a moment, before touching his head gently with his hand. Finding a heavy bandage wrapped tightly around his head, Guy groaned.

“What have I done to myself this time?” He muttered quietly, his deep voice scratchy.

He tried to remember the night before, but most of it was a blur. He vaguely recalled taking his horse for a ride through the forest, but soon after, everything seemed to grow quite fuzzy. He had visions of the Nightwatchman - and for a brief moment, he wondered if the Nightwatchman might be responsible for his injuries; however, he also had vision of Marian, too. Marian, in the Nightwatchman’s costume, twirling around in front of him. He smiled at the thought, even if it was completely ridiculous. Guy was certain the injury to his head had mixed up his memories with his favorite fantasy. After all, Marian had left Nottinghamshire completely, to visit her relations for Christmas - not to mention, she was certainly not the Nightwatchman. She couldn’t be...

Christmas? He thought, looking a bit confused. He peered over to the window, which was slightly cracked to help clear the room of the alcohol fumes. It was snowing heavily outside, and tiny snowflakes blew into the room from time to time. In the distance, Guy could hear church bells, and the peasants singing Christmas carols. Guy sighed. It really was Christmas...and he was alone.

He moaned pitifully, thinking of Marian and wishing he could be by her side for the holidays. Instead, he was stuck in bed, and obviously hurt. Irritated, he tossed the heavy blanket off his chest and shivered as a sudden chill permeated his entire upper body - except on his right side, which was still nice and toasty warm. He turned his aching head over, and gasped loudly at what he saw.

There was a pretty young noblewoman sleeping in his bed.

Marian was snoozing soundly, snuggled up next to him and holding onto his arm gently. Guy stared at her in shock, his mind filled with questions: how she got there, why she was in bed with him, and most importantly, what had really happened the night before to make all of this happen? He cuddled up to her, leaning his head onto hers and feeling the wonderful warmth she radiated. He sighed happily, gazing down at his beloved. As he did, he caught sight of something sparkly on her right finger: a tiny pink ring - his ring. Guy’s mouth dropped open. He had not seen that ring in ages - not since the day he’d placed it on her finger, and then fought Hood in the forest for it, after the outlaw had stolen it from her. His stomach filled with butterflies, Guy wondered if it meant what he thought it meant. Had Marian finally accepted him?

He shook with excitement, and kissed her head gently. He might be injured, but he was not alone, and with any luck, he never would be again. It was Christmas morning, and all was right with Sir Guy of Gisborne’s world...


	4. Epilogue, or where Marian finally gets to unwrap her present

It had been a glorious Spring day - warm and sunny without a cloud in the bright blue sky. It had been the perfect day for a wedding, and the entire village of Locksley had turned out to watch Guy and Marian say their vows. There were no interruptions, nor unexpected punches, nor the bride running away this time. Instead, it went along perfectly and beautifully, ending with an amazing and passionate kiss that might never have ended if the priest had not whispered to them both to save some for the honeymoon.

Now, however, the sun had set and the sky was a deep, dark blue and filled with twinkling stars. Guy laid in bed, covered up to his bare chest with a blanket and staring up at the ceiling. He was tingling all over, smiling from ear to ear, and his heart was racing from excitement and anticipation. It had been the greatest day of his entire life, and with any luck, it would be the greatest night as well.

He heard the door to his bedchamber open, and watched Marian enter the room, tiptoeing across the floor in her thin shift and looking quite nervous. Guy smiled at his new wife sweetly.

“I have a present for you, my love.” He told her, blushing, as she hopped onto the bed beside him.

“Really?”

“Oh yes. I wasn’t sure I would ever remember anything from last Christmas, but I finally did. And, the more I thought about it, the more it didn’t seem right.” He replied, smiling at her mischievously. With a flourish, he threw the covers, exposing his naked lower half, which he had skillfully tied up in a very wide ribbon. Sitting directly on top of his manhood, was a big, red bow.

He chuckled as he watched Marian’s eyes grow wide from shock.

“Honestly, my love,” He said to her, smiling sweetly, “Isn’t it about time you unwrapped your present?”


End file.
